Tag: humor

Don’t wreck a sublime chocolate experience by feeling guilty.Chocolate isn’t like premarital sex. It will not make you pregnant.And it always feels good....

Take bread away from me, if you wish,take air away, butdo not take from me your laughter.Do not take away the rose,the lance flower that you pluck,the water that suddenlybursts forth in joy,the sudden waveof silver born in you.My struggle is...

I can’t go on, I’ll go on....

We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie....

I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I am dumb enough to try anything....

I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: “Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was....

Someday I must read this scholar Everyone. He seems to have written so much–all of it wrong....

The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks....

Just give me a second. Attempting to give a fuck…Attempting harder to give a fuck…Sorry, there was an error; fuck not given....

Leaving us with Eric is like hiring a babysitter who spends his time sharpening knives....