Tag: humor

All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance....

Cause I’m Irish, and everyone remembers me....

If I behave as though this is a completely normal situation, then maybe it will be …...

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids....

Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up....

Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them....

Hush Hattie!” I said, intoxicated with my success. “I don’t want to go to my room. Everyone must know I shan’t marry the prince.” I ran to the door to our street, opened it, and called out into the night, “I...

Must be weird for you, having your mom here.””Weird for me, weird for her, probably weird for you since you had to give up your swinging bachelor pad.””Mrs. Casnoff let me install my heart-shaped Jacuzzi in my new dorm room.””Cal,” I...

The attempt to develop a sense of humor and to see things in a humorous light is some kind of a trick learned while mastering the art of living....

I’m forever near a stereo saying, ‘What the fuck is this garbage?’ And the answer is always the Red Hot Chili Peppers....